At Least They're Committed

My hair is a mess. There’s a blonde tangle sticking out of the right side of my head like an antler. I can’t believe I went out of the house like that. I can’t believe I’m halfway done with my shopping and I just now noticed that. I sigh. Thus my life  has been the Read more

Well, be glad I’ve already had my shower today so I don’t look all too heinous. My nose is inches from the screen, my eyes wide and searching, looking through the monitor at you on the other side. But all I can see is a dark silhouette and it tells me nothing. “Can you make Read more

Melanie trounced past carrying a plastic vase with two lifeless stems protruding. Her dead orchid. I laughed; she said she didn’t understand how it could die. How could Walmart keep it alive and she couldn’t? I realized the square pot could be helpful as I look to re-pot my green, leafy vine-things. (No, I’ve never Read more

I’m in the passenger seat and Demon Spawn is driving me to pick up my “new” 2004 Sebring convertible, complete with top-of-the-line tires and functional windshield fluid lines. The weather is lovely compared to the past several days — in the 40s compared to 4. Yet we drive past a bus stop and there’s an Read more

OUCH! DAMMIT! SON OF A WHORE! I CAN’T, I CAN’T, I CAN’T! IT’S ALWAYS THERE, THERE’S NO ESCAPE! IT HURTS, IT HURTS! OMG! MAKE IT STOP! PLEEEEAASE!!!! AUAUAUAUAUAGH!!!! Hmmm. That didn’t help much. I’m quite certain real screaming would have been far more therapeutic. Pity. OK, back to work.   Read more

I stare at its gleaming edges, holding it up to the light and twisting it back and forth. And I talk to myself, “Put the razor down,” I mutter. “Don’t do it. Don’t!” But the urge is strong and my fingers start to tremble around the plastic Bic handle. Edison’s Black Dahlia comes up from Read more