At Least They're Committed

I’m having a Sixth Sense day or something. I forgot my phone at work — so very like me — and was patting myself on the back for surviving the night without it . . . or did I???? On the way back from retrieving my phone at my office, cruising west on 38th with the heavy metal up and the top down Read more

Wringing her hands, chin down in a ghastly smile, eyes looking sinisterly skyward, Tripping Raul chuckles. He’s standing before her, all buff and proud and curly blonde and shit, and she doesn’t register his presence. “Ahem.” Scheming, she’s sowing seeds, some of which she hopes bear fruit in a year, others in two years. She Read more

I know I’m being carried, Dez. By now you’re probably familiar with the rather old and overused ‘Footprints in the Sand‘ poem and I’m fully aware that the only reason I am moving at all is because I’m being held. Oh, wait, what’s that I see? One set of footprints in the sand and shallow Read more

(With the help of Chick Habit by April March) Hang up the chick habit Hang it up, daddy, Or you’ll be alone in a quick . . .  I’m hauling loads of groceries into the house when this petite female sparrow lands on the sidewalk inches in front of me. Hang up the chick habit Read more

Well, that was awkward. And, by the way, as it transpired you pissed on me. My educated guess is that you had no idea what you did and you still won’t because I’m not going to tell you. You didn’t literally piss on me, of course, although I suppose if you like to stand in your yard and let it all out Read more

I flinched when your Uncle EBD told me he and Uncle Demon Spawn were going to the midnight movie of “Transformers.” (They don’t even LIKE Transformers, but this one has Markie Mark in it, and he’s cool.) Dez, you and your mom and dad had just taken off (we had fun tonight, sassafras). Your uncle noticed Read more