At Least They're Committed

I at last have a smidgen of time to myself because the Steelers are losing mightily (take that, Aaron Rodgers) so the TV is turned off and the rest of my family is sorting through documents or taking a much-needed sauna.

Thus, since grandson D4 is obsessed with all things creepy (my fault), I remembered that The Conjuring: Last Rites is free on a streaming service somewhere. So I search.

Why not? The commercials aren’t the least bit frightening (Weapons was far more horrifying — and fun), floating dolls? Gimme a break. The worst case ever? You should never say ‘ever.’ It’s the worst case — period — or the first case or whatever. No ever needed.

When you say the ‘worst ever’ it immediately conjures the word Fake! Plus, I’ve done enough research to know that a lot of folks are highly wary of the Warrens’ methodology and conclusions.

One researcher noted that the Warrens demonized everything. Possibly lost and confused souls were cast out as if they were forces of evil (think Beetlejuice). I’m no expert, but theologically and through my beliefs and observations, I do feel there is a big distinction.

But I want to watch Last Rites to see if there’s any legitimacy to it — as if I were an expert, ha! Plus, I really love Patrick Wilson, and it’s def not his fault if the Warrens were greatly embellishing. I thoroughly enjoy The Conjuring 2 and like the idea of an X-Files or Supernatural-esque series about the paranormal investigators’ crusades against evil.

But you know what really bothers me? There are videos of so-called priests — Catholic priests? — who were allegedly blessing people before they walked into movie theater. REALLY? To keep them from being possessed? To keep demons from following them home? Silly!

Surely, those weren’t real priests . . . were they? What a bunch of nonsense! All these fools being, like, ‘Oh, golly, I hope I don’t get possessed!’ If a movie were to create that sort of connection to evil, the best thing you could do is not see it. Walk away. Just like I did intuitively (well, actually listening to Gabriel, I’m sure) every time my friends said, “Let’s do a $p1r1t board!”

Actors. They had to be. No God-fearing priest would do such superficial so-called blessings — unless, perhaps, there was money involved that would then feed the hungry; then I’d understand.

As I’ve mentioned before: Yes! I’ve had lots of evil swirl around me at night. (During the day, too, but that was all human.) Some of the night terror was the making of my own imagination, yet a lot of it — I realize now — was NOT!

How many dreams have I had when the shadow of evil raised its horned head against the wall in the night? Turning pitch darkness into a swirling abyss? Well, more than a few. In those dreams, I recite the Lord’s Prayer with power and determination, and they go away.

Gads, I hope my bringing this up isn’t a challenge to all I’ve been able to shield myself from in the past four decades. If not, hey, those prayers are still pretty effective. (Thank you, spellcheck, because I always struggle with effective and affective.)

Get thee away from me, evil!

WHOOOSH! I literally push my arms and hands out as I pray to create a holy, impenetrable shield around myself — an orb of light and joy. The bad entities are ripped through the ventilation system — severed into little bits and falling like ash, disipating before they can even reach the floor.

Yay me.

Last Rites is free to watch somewhere, but it’s not coming up for me. Not heartbroken! I’ve learned that if it’s worth seeing, it will show up. Otherwise, since I don’t think it would be much fun to of watch, why bother?