At Least They're Committed

Well, that was awkward. And, by the way, as it transpired you pissed on me. My educated guess is that you had no idea what you did and you still won’t because I’m not going to tell you. You didn’t literally piss on me, of course, although I suppose if you like to stand in your yard and let it all out it occurs to me that you might not be all that particular about who’s standing in front of you.

No clue what I’m talking about? All right, I’ll explain.

In the same way a dog pees on every tree, fence and mailbox to establish territoriality, when men feel the slightest bit territorial about a female (or another male if one is same-sex oriented), he will often make small, seemingly insignificant comments or commit the slightest gesture to establish familiarity, authority, dominance or — such as when other men are around — possession.

For instance, when I was in a group with several men, one of my best friends would lean close into me, to where his shoulder or knee was firmly touching mine, act completely unaware, and continue a conversation with others. Another time he looped his foot around the leg of my chair, again still talking to others and feigning oblivion to my very presence. See, he wasn’t acknowledging me, he simply “owned” me. It made me smile.

You’re more subtle, which is adorable. But the situation was still awkward.