At Least They're Committed

Who will it be? Who will it be? It seems like every time I hit rock bottom, when I feel like I’m crawling through life’s wretched, twisted, corroded debris, someone unknowingly grabs me from the edge.

My brain has been working in overdrive again and when the mental marathon gets to be too much I hang my head, whispering, “I can’t, I can’t.” But, remarkably, the desperation always gives way before my heart gives out.

It’s the little things, like yesterday when Thomas came in wide-eyed, laughing and shaking his head because our idea had been shot down, or today when Jeff put a snarky comment about my Facebook photo of Jesus after I’d realized that a box of tampons could be seen in the reflection. (Being a good Catholic, just like me, ahem, he put ‘the blood of Christ?’) Squealing, laughing, kicking my feet. Brian pings that he’s hangin’ with Jim, Colleen sends an email about the CRUISE, Caitlin sends a text about some ridiculous thing a former coworker has done or said.

Sometimes it’s not even anyone I know. A man will compliment me on my smile as he walks past, a woman will say she likes my necklace, a teenager will nod as he exits the bus. The reaction is striking, physical. A sharp light pierces the darkness and floods my thoughts and comforts my soul and I carry on. From here on out, rather than withdraw into the black chasms of my embattled brain, I shall force myself to look around and wonder, “Who will save my life today?”