At Least They're Committed

Scrolling through my Facebook page for daily updates concerning pages and programs affiliated with my workplace, my eye cannot help but land upon photos that make me clutch my heart in dismay, ads that again and again rip my soul to the core. Why? Why must it be this way? Too many times have I seen this advertisement and every time I ponder this travesty and wonder how I can do something, anything about it. I am one woman and this, this phenomenon is a plague across America.  If you haven’t guessed already, I’m talking about the “People You Might Know” section on Facebook, and the rampant scourge of high school hair.

I know, I know. Like a Sarah McLachlan homeless animal commercial, we avert our eyes, change the channel, mumble “what a shame” and refresh the page. But the images don’t go away, do they? We are confronted with this reality everywhere we look, not only on Facebook, but on the bus as we ride to and from work, on the streets we walk, at the theater and, sadly, even among some of our friends and acquaintances. Feathered bangs, tight perms, teased layers, mall hair, oh, God I could go on.

I want to grab these women, shake them, friend them on Facebook, whatever it takes. I want to ask them why they think gray hair down to their asses and wispy bangs becomes them. I want to tell them they’re beautiful, or could at least be mildly attractive, if they’d only, only do a new do. Maybe something short and sassy, you know? Shoulder length and sexy? A wedge cut? I know, I know. The guys, well, they really dug that look in the 70s and the whole 80s disco era is alive and well in your hearts. But it’s time ladies! Stand up for your dignity! And, by association, the dignity of all women!

Take a step toward your future and stop living in your past. Contact me here and together we shall make our way to a new dawn! (No, not Twilight! Talk about living in a fantasy. Jesus. Snap out of it!) A new look for the same special you! Let’s do this! We’ll call ourselves, To Hell with High School Hair! (Thwhsh) and reshape, color and style the streets of America . . . and, for God’s sake, the “People You Might Know” section on Facebook.

All you Fonzies out there, stop laughing, you’re next.