At Least They're Committed

Wildly agitated on the bus ride home because I had really wanted to be at the Rockies’ Opening Day, I hypercritically flipped past Tonic, System of a Down, NIN, Gordon Lightfoot, Free and various other artists on my iPod while grappling for a song I could relate to and that would quell the scream embedded in my throat. Finally: Creep, by Radiohead. The melody is quietly desperate and woeful, the words futile and underscored with searing, relentless pain. And little by little I again became enraptured by Thom Yorke’s lilting self deprecation and loneliness and forgot about myself and that I never get to have any fun.

The song covers so much by saying so little. You don’t really know whether the person of his desire perceives him a creep, or if it’s simply the way he sees himself. You listen, you hurt, you identify and you loathe the person who has judged him a loser. Yet, who really is that? Radiohead does a masterful job of recognizing that inherent flaw in so many of us — especially those in their teens and 20s — of being too hard on ourselves for our own perceived shortcomings. Did she really run away from him or was her dad waiting for her in the car? Could be either or many things in between.

I know, I know how cruel people can be. Trust me. I was oinked at, not because I was ever heavy, rather because I had a turned-up (pig) nose. I was teased and called stupid by people — including my paternal grandmother — because I was shy and had a hearing impediment. I’ve been spit on and bullied. But still, especially as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize that many times when I thought I was being mocked, it was my own interpretation and insecurity. I grew up to be by no means beautiful of face, but attractive enough to be on the other side of the ‘Creep’ spectrum. It would make me sad if someone were to not come talk to me or not be my friend because they perceived me as he perceives the woman in the song. ‘Creep’ comes from the inside, as does beauty.