At Least They're Committed

What a difference six months can make.

We’re heading to the ranch Friday morning and returning Monday morning and I expect it will be a lovely time, with ATVing, hiking, fireworks and wine. I intend to sit in the whirlpool and read The Last Testament while downing an entire bottle all by myself.

Flash back to last time at the ranch — New Year’s. I was in despair. (Sorry about the depressing text that night, btw, honestly I WAS trying to pull myself out of it and I truly was and still am happy for you, but I was so devoid of hope my grief crept into everything I touched.)

And here I am now, doing so very well that the next scheduled session with Kevin will be my last, at least until my world falls apart again. I truly hate that I won’t get to see him, but I don’t need him. As it is, I’m just telling him about my revelations and he’s saying “personal growth!” and I’m saying “yeah!” but we both know that I already know that.

Wonder if he’d be my friend on facebook?

Slumber party date with Dr. Ellen in two weeks! My turn to pick movies! Poltergeist (heh), Batman Returns and Priscilla Queen of the Desert (haven’t seen that one yet). There, again, what a difference a few months can make. I stayed with her in late December and she counseled me greatly.

So, being as nothing much has changed in my existence, I suppose it goes to wonder what phenomenal revelation has led me to this better place. Here it is: Just because people want to be my friend and ‘need’ me, tough titties. Most times if they’re men their intentions are not honorable and I don’t think it’s curious or humorous anymore and I’m not sure why I ever did.

Brian once said that it was sad that I so looked forward to going to Vegas, that my life can’t be so bad that it’s the highlight of my year (he was trying to counsel me during that time too, which is odd because, well that was pretty brash). Well, it’s not THE highlight of my year, sheesh, however, it IS the only time I’m by myself and nobody needs me. And not once has anyone in Vegas made an unwanted advance at me or told me I was beautiful or any of that BS. They only love me for my brain.

So that’s my revelation. I’m deciding my friends and who I hang with and rest assured it will be the ones who only love me for my brain. Pretty simple, eh? Hey, maybe, if I tread lightly it can be this way forever.