At Least They're Committed

Do I dare to hope? I looked at my husband yesterday and the 25 pounds he has lost are making a difference. He is beginning to look like this guy I used to adore. I found myself, well, almost giddy. Most certainly hopeful. “Cautiously optimistic.” For years I’ve been looking at photos of that guy — the man who promised me he’d always stay fit and healthy and who I’d made the same promise to — and grieved. I don’t know who this guy is now, but I horribly missed the one in the photos.

Am I shallow? Dunno. Am I vain? Absolutely! I have always felt like it is imperative to look your best, be your healthiest for your family and, most importantly, for yourself. However, I don’t subscribe to the whole “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else” bit; I’ve battled depression and self loathing enough to know better. My deep, Xena-the-Warrior-Princess don’t-you-mess-with-my-babies passion for my children has never wavered no matter what my state. Still, I’m only as attractive as God made me to be so I have to work with that and I’m a rabid believer in the whole “your body is a temple” thing . . . another reason I’m going to lose 5 more pounds for Lent.

D still has 30 pounds to lose. He’s been here before: Once for Christine’s wedding; once for a class reunion. He ended up in the hospital a couple Februarys ago when he tried to drop 20 pounds before seeing his buds in Vegas. Never for himself; never, ever for his family. But I’m more hopeful this time because I think he finally understands that our future together depends on this.

Being overweight is like calculating unhappiness with pounds. Ten pounds overweight? Eh, you’re pretty OK. Twenty? What’s up? Sixty? Man, you’re a f*&#ed-up mess. Like most overweight people, D’s weight is a symptom of his psychological state. He’s not the person he wanted to be, but he doesn’t have the drive or the confidence in himself to change; to recognize his potential and understand he can achieve it. He now has the opportunity to turn that around. He is feeling much better not only about himself, but in general. His knees don’t hurt, his steps are lighter, he smiles more. . . here’s hoping! Do I dare? Eh, why not?!