At Least They're Committed

Of course people look to a better world beyond this one. Happiness is fleeting and minute. Humans try vainly to etch the slightest incidents of joy into our brains so we can regurgitate them like an LSD flashback. The rest of those hundreds of thousands of moments are spent killing time and slowly killing ourselves. Bah. I hold no hope for 2008. Nothing ever changes, it’s not going to get better and can only get worse.

(Oh, wait, just got a message from Hillary Clinton saying ‘we’ve got work to do’ since she got spanked by Obama and Edwards in Iowa last night. Hahaha! I delight in that, being as I’m Obama’s court. There, see, joy, here then gone.)

Maybe it would help if I didn’t have to always live for someone else. If God hadn’t put me on this Earth for consumption by animated cadavers clawing at me, looking futiley to me for new life and new souls. Yeah, thanks God.

I have no idea why I take care of myself. I’m always amazed when people abuse their bodies with smoking and gluttony then become terrified when faced with death. Well, if you didn’t want to die, why would you do that? And here I am the complete opposite: no future, no light, no peace, no physical nor emotional satisfaction yet I’m all about my daily exercise to maintain my healthy BMI, blood pressure and cholesterol. Pthththttt!

Yeah, I know I’m clinically depressed. Obsessive former bosses (“I’m you’re only friend.” . . . “I’ve always wanted to be alone in the dark with you.” . . . “You know if I have a bad day you’ll have a bad day.” . . . “Since your family’s gone, can I come over?”) lack of money and a waaaaaay grouchy husband have seen to that. Anyway, I’m already on some of the strongest stuff out there, so not much more I can do about that. Counselors all say I know myself really well, but agree that, yup, I’m trapped.

Sigh. Time to put back on the clown mask and get to work. Tomorrow might be another day, but for me solace lies in the next life. I just hope I get to pick and choose who to hang with in that one.